Sometimes

Sometimes I almost forget that my kid has Autism.

She rattles off a few clear-as-a-bell sentences.
She looks me straight in the eye and laughs.
I start to think... maybe she's just delayed socially.
Maybe we're all overreacting.

(July 2008- 3 years old)

But then I read a 4 year milestones list on some parenting website
or in a magazine.
I watch two young kids about her age have a real conversation with each other.
She has a screaming fit because we have to bring out the broom
to sweep the kitchen,
because apparently it's just as frightening as the vacuum these days.

And I am forced to remember.
Abby has Autism.
And that sucks.
I love her just as she is,
but it sucks.
This isn't the way I imagined my life as a parent.
Sometimes I cry about it. And he cries, too.
And after the pity party,
I remember.

(July 2009- 4 years old)

Abrielle is Abby J. and she is the coolest little girl I know.
And I am so blessed to be her mama.
We can do this.
We've only just begun.

It's the Perfect Color!

When we moved into our new house (yay!!!) there were a few seagull yard ornaments in the front yard. I'm not big on yard ornaments (probably because I've never owned a yard) and most likely wouldn't choose seagulls to decorate it. (I think "Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine." from Finding Nemo) So I was just going to throw them out, but in the meantime I just moved them to the side yard.


Abby & Bean were spending all their time in the side yard and I could not for the life of me figure out why, when we finally have a big yard and a sand box, would they choose to spend all of their time in the rocks and sidewalk on the 5' x 6'-ish space on the side of the house. Then one day, I noticed that the seagull had a large rock between its wings. Then I heard Abby talking to the bird on another day. And it dawns on me. "Oh! She digs the seagull!" So the seagulls have been spared. But I had to put my own little spin on them if they were to live in our yard, so I spray painted them in high gloss paint. The two small ones are black & white. Abby chose the color for the large seagull.


Purple seems to be the color she favors most these days.
The birds live in the back yard near the play house.

Home Sweet Home

I do believe that if I don't start literally scheduling time to write this blog, it might never get updated. It's a fine line between blogging about parenting and actually parenting. Ok... maybe the line isn't so fine. :) First I'd like to say THANK YOU! to Trojan and Sally, two of my favorite blogger friends for the awards they've bestowed The Gentle Giant. It is soooo appreciated and soon I will get them posted in the sidebar. And by soon, I mean sometime this year, I swear! Haha! Where does the time go?!

We've had a very busy Summer so far. I went on vacation at the end of June, taking Bean along since he still flies for free and leaving Abby at home with her Dad. True to form, she wouldn't talk to me even once on the phone, instead screaming "Nooooo!!!" at the top of her lungs each time her dad asked, "Abby, do you want to say hi to Mom?" This might hurt my feelings except that this is her response every time she asked, "Abby, do you want to say hi to (insert random family member's name here)?"


I was looking forward to our trip for a variety of reasons. I was heading to the State that my ancestors homesteaded in with my youngest child. It was great to introduce him to his "roots" even if he won't remember it. It was really more like I was introducing him to them, even if many of them have passed away. But I was mostly looking forward to only having to "deal" with one child. And the "normal" one at that. I know this is a terrible attitude to have, but it was what ran through my mind as I prepared for our vacation. Well I learned some very valuable lessons during that trip.


One. "Normal" is a relative term. Bean has officially entered the so-called "Terrible Two's" and he is a non-stop ball of energy. He kept me running constantly! There was no rest for me on this trip. It was a happy and much needed reminder that parenting is exhausting whether your child is "special needs" or not. Sure the circumstances are different. With Bean, I was physically exhausted more than anything. On the more challenging days with Abby, I am mentally and emotionally exhausted. But I am exhausted nontheless.


Two. I missed Abby fiercely. My heart ached for my little girl. When I told people about her, my heart was bursting with pride. I'm so proud to be her mama, I wouldn't change a thing about her. Sure, I hope for her sake that as we learn more about Autism, that her life will get easier and in turn my life as well. But she is exquisitely sensitive, beautiful and intelligent. And I love her just as she is. It feels good to say that. Each time I heard her screech, "Noooo!!!" when asked if she wanted to speak to me on the phone, I smiled. Because I knew that inside her big brain what she was really saying is, "Sure I want to say hi to my mom, but it sure as heck isn't going to be through that stupid telephone." And I can't blame her. I'm not one for phone conversations either. We have that in common.

It feels good to be home!