Art is the Creakiest Stair

I think I stopped paying attention to those "milestone" things when Abby was about a year old. You know the lists in books, magazines, websites, etc. I do get one that is sent monthly to my email inbox. It's kind of a good one. Not too specific and with good ideas for discipline, food, and whatnot. I always read the 2-year-old ones that come in regarding Bean, but generally just delete the ones related to "Your 4-Year-Old". It's just been too heartbreaking to read about what other typical 4 year olds might be doing, because Abby's not.

(2 years old, she wouldn't stop to let me comb her hair or even to feed her.

She was on a coloring mission that day!)

Well for the first time... it fit. Here's what it said.

Artist at Work

People, houses, and rainbows are favorite subjects for preschooler artists. Now, not only is it easier to recognize what's in your child's pictures, she actually planned to draw that specific thing. Younger children start with random scribbling and progress to make-it-up-as-they-go pictures. These days, though, when your child grabs a crayon, she often has a plan. Provide lots of opportunities to exercise this blend of creativity, dexterity, and intellect.

(Every artist needs a nose ring, right? She was 3 in this photo, trying on my nose ring... don't worry, her nose is not actually pierced.)

Abby does usually have a plan. She draws suns, people and towers. (she loves cellphone reception towers, smoke stacks, etc, and always points them out as we drive. We have a steam tower in our hometown and "he" and Abby are special friends. She worries about Tower-Do, as she calls "him", during rain, thunderstorms and fireworks in July.) It's been really fun watching her artistic side come out. She comes from a long line of artists and if you ask her what she wants to be when she grows up she answers, "An ARTIST!!" before you can even finish asking the question. Her Great-Grandma Nina would be as proud of her as I am.

This is our dear friend, Kari, with Abby a couple of years ago when we were still living in Vermont.

She is not only one of our closest friends,

but she is one of our favorite artists.

Check her out at karimeyer.com and remember... buy art!

Mosaics

The external wall of the Grand Rapids Children's Museum is covered in this amazing mosaic. These photos don't do justice to the shimmer in the mirrored tiles of her hair below.

Another Artist

Creating works of art at the Grand Rapids Children's Museum.

Mere Mortal Mother or Supreme Parenting Genius?

My friend, Crystal, posted this as her Facebook status today. I thought it was a genius parenting move and have decided that it simply must be shared with all of you. Enjoy!

"Casey (her 9 year old son) woke this morning complaining that he was REALLY tired and wanted to stay home from school. So I told him, 'Fine, but you have to go back to bed and when you get up we're going to clean your room and then you have to help me clean the rest of the house the entire day.' Needless to say, he decided to go to school."

This has been officially added to my arsenal of parenting tools.

Kaleidoscope Family

We went to the Grand Rapids Children's Museum a couple of weeks ago. I have a few more photos to post from that trip, but I'll start with the kaleidoscope shots, first. I thought these turned out really cool.

(I told Abby that she looks like a Walrus in this picture.

She thought that was really funny and laughed and laughed.)

My Last Belated Christmas Idea... I promise.

Ok. I know, I know. It's mid-January. Enough with the Santa Clause stuff already. But this is too good not to share. I'm mostly posting it so that I remember to do it next year. Since I'm new to this Santa Clause stuff, I need all the help I can get.

You can go to this site, Portable North Pole, fill out a few details about your kid and then *poof* you have a personalized Santa video for your child. So cool!

Here's a little mock-up I did for Bean using info that fits him this past Christmas. I'll make new ones next year, but this is really so cool! I just had to share it! Check it out here.

Ok. This will be my last Santa posting until next Christmas. I promise. Maybe.

I found the link to this site on a new-to-me blog, Design Dazzle. (Thanks, Jen!) You should check it out by either clicking their name here or going to the link in my sidebar. Hope you're enjoying a relaxing Sunday and have a good week!

Changing Perspective

Back in 2001 when the first season of Six Feet Under was on HBO, I was 23 and living temporarily with my father and step-mother in Montana. We never missed an episode and it was often one of the only times during the week that we all just hung-out together as a family. We loved that show.

So when we were recently gifted the second season of Six Feet Under and my husband revealed that he had never seen any of them, we finally found a way to fill the hole that the Soprano's left in our tv watching life. I rented the first season via Netflix and we're currently plowing through them. Even though I've seen them before it's as if I've never seen them at all. Sure I remembered the details of the episodes, but my perspective is totally different.

What's changed? I'm a mom now. Becoming a mother has changed my perspective of everything around me.

Everything.

The other night we watched an episode where the mother, Ruth, played by Frances Conroy, and Claire, played by Lauren Ambrose, are wading through some mother/daughter issues. Back in 2001, I think I saw the scenes mostly through the eyes of Claire. A 17 year old trying to figure out who she is and what life is all about. This time around, I found myself bawling my eyes out getting emotional as I completely related to her mother, Ruth, and it got me thinking about all the different things that have changed for me since becoming a mom.

Quite a few of the bloggers I follow have either recently had a baby or are expecting (and her, and her, and her, and her, and her, and they are adopting soon!). I wonder how their perspective is changing and what things will stand out most to them as their life inevitably changes.

My very first example of perspective change was realizing how much my mother loved me. I couldn't talk to her for the first month of Abby's life without crying. It was actually fairly annoying. I call to ask for my Grandma's chicken and rice recipe and next thing I know I'm bawling my eyes out, because I just imagined my grandmother as a new mother holding her children for the first time. I'm sure it was probably 75% hormones, but the other part was sheer realization of how connected by love we truly were. It was a beautiful time in my life.

When Abby was first born, I was home alone with her a lot. My husband was running a new restaurant and working 10-16 hours per day. She didn't do much in those first days, but eat (barely), sleep, poop, and scream (this became a theme for the following years). So I decided to re-read my favorite book, The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver considering I spent much of my time glued to a couch.

I couldn't do it.

Because passages like this, made me cry so hard when reading through my New-Mother-Eyes, that I just couldn't read on.

"... How we wives and mothers do perish at the hands of our own righteousness. I was just one more of those women who clamp their mouths shut and wave the flag as their nation rolls off to conquer another in war. Guilty or innocent, they have everything to lose. They are what there is to lose. A wife is the earth itself, changing hands, bearing scars... Sometimes I pray to remember, other times I pray to forget. It makes no difference."

I tried to keep reading and I just kept weeping. There were so many more passages that broke me when viewed through my Mom-Eyes. I still haven't re-read it. Though maybe it's time.

I've always been a person who embraces change. I crave it actually. I usually satiate my desire for change with a new haircut or hair color. I think this is part of what makes life interesting. I'm still the same little girl who pretended she was walking the Red Carpet in her plastic dress-up heels while watching the Oscars on tv, and the teenager who listened to Rage Against the Machine at top volume in her car, smoking a cigarette before cheerleading practice, and the young adult with a penchant for dark bars and dirty martinis. But now I've quit smoking and only drink martinis on special occasions and view the world through Mom-Eyes and it's fascinating.

My heart has grown three sizes (like the Grinch?).

I feel more passionately and the world looks different.

It's exciting and a little bit scary.

Footprints on the Carpet

I'm changing things up just a bit here at The Gentle Giant. I hope you all don't mind. I'm planning to do more postings about myself, craft ideas, projects I'm working on and of course stories about Abby, The Gentle Giant. The thing is that I am just as much a Gentle Giant as Abby is. Like mother, like daughter, I suppose. But the description applies as much to me as it does to my little, Ab. Also, I've mentioned before that I'm cautious about becoming one of those parents... not that I'm even remotely close. I just want this blog to focus more on myself and my adventures as a parent of two kids, one of whom happens to have Autism. So this is one of those posts, which I'm hoping to do more of.

For those of you who play the Santa game, I found this great idea on a blog that I'm new to and wonder where it's been all my life... Not So Idle Hands.

I am sooo doing this next year.

Here are her instructions to create Santa's footprints. For my Wonder-Woman-Single-Mama friends who might not have a man's boot laying around the house, maybe pick up a cheap pair at Goodwill and keep one of them tucked away for this little project and throw the other out.

• Find your man's boot and trace it onto a large piece of paper and cut out.
• Then, use the "hole" for a stencil and use a fine mesh sieve to sprinkle flour onto the carpet.
• Next, tap excess flour off of your stencil and turn it over next to the 1st one to make the other foot (turning it over makes it the opposite shoe, so you only have to cut one stencil.)

(all photos from NotSoIdleHands.blogspot.com)

For those of you who were at Bean's birthday party on Halloween, this is where I got the idea for the Jack-o-Lantern jars. Check out the pics and links on the lefthand sidebar of Not So Idle Hands. Emily has some great ideas and I'm excited to keep following her.

LIttle Miss Sassy Pants

Abby has been so sassy lately. Whenever we tell/ask her to do anything she says,

"No! I have to say no!"

My first reaction to this is obviously annoyance, but I find myself thinking, "I'm just glad she speaks and understands language enough to back talk. After all, typical kids DO this." This is what a kid is supposed to do. This is how we learn to stand up for what we need. What we want. It's how we learn to negotiate. And how we learn what NOT to say to our parents.

But something else about it struck me. The part where she say's, "I have to say no!" Like it's an impulse she can't resist. She HAS to say no. Maybe she feels she really does have to protest. Before Abby had her words, she screamed. About everything. Doctors, friends and relatives would ask,

"What does she scream for or about? What are the situations that makes her scream?"

And we would answer,

"Everything."

Because even when it was something Abby enjoyed or wanted to do, she screamed. Like she was instinctually protesting. What if Abby really DOES feel as if she HAS to say no? What if there is something inside of her brain that just makes her initial reaction to everything "No!" even when the answer is yes. It will be interesting to watch this phase of Abby's language development over the coming months. But in the mean time, even if she has to say no! she will have to learn the consequences of her Sassy-Pants attitude. Like everything in our life, this should be interesting.

Happy New Year!!! (7.days.ago)

Alright, alright. I know. I'm late. But for those of you who know me, you didn't really expect my New Year post to be done ON New Year's Day, did you?!

We stayed home.

Watched movies.

Ate snacks.

Watched the countdown.

Abby almost made it.

Here's the progression:

Getting sleepy... approx. 11:45 pm.

Slipping further... 11:49 pm.

Not gonna make it... 11:51 pm.

And gone! 11:52pm.

Bean on the other hand rallied until at least 12:30 when we caught him out of bed, sitting on the couch playing with toys in the light of the Christmas tree. He's a partier, that one.

Abby Met Santa This Christmas

I really meant to write this like the day after my last Santa inspired post, but life has been oddly busy. I say odd, because I actually have barely left the house. We've all been sick. This weird cold that seems to get better one day only to feel worse than before the next. Abby has surprisingly been surrounded by sick people, but has only sniffled twice. I'm very thankful. Apparently those gummy vitamins really work.

This Christmas was a lot fun. This year, Abby REALLY got it. She has been in love with the movie The Polar Express since last year. I can't even begin to tell you how many times we've seen it over the past year. Since I never believed in Santa as a kid, it's been a challenge for me to play the Santa game, but as soon as I caught on to the "Naughty vs. Nice" brilliance, it's all starting to come together for me. In the days leading up to Christmas, I was able to bring to mind for Abby the scene in The Polar Express where the alarm goes off signaling to the elves that a boy in New Jersey was in danger of getting on the naughty list at the last minute for putting gum in his sister's hair and then... lying about it! *gasp* It's a very serious matter.

(Abby & Bean listening to their Dad read Olivia Helps with Christmas... they make him read this book over and over all year long)

And apparently Abby does not take "Naughty vs. Nice" lightly when it comes to Santa Clause. She was being particularly whiney just before the holiday. I'm guessing it was partially missing school, partially that she is four years old and partially because there were new family members around who weren't privy to her game.

(Abby's Uncle)

So I said to her,

"Do you know what is happening in the North Pole right NOW?!"

She shook her head, "No."

"An alarm is going off and the elves are saying, "Abby in Michigan is not speaking very nicely to her family. Should we put her on the naughty list?"

Her eyes got big and I asked her, "Do you want to be on the Naughty List or the Nice List?"

She answered, "I want to be a nice girl."

"Ok, then. Please stop whining and use your nice words."

And it worked. It's genius! (Mom, you really should have considered Santa if only for that reason. Though I do seem to have a faint memory of you trying to use it a couple of times. Nice try, Mom. Nice try.)

("Daddy! Do you want to cook Santa?!!!")

Abby attended a breakfast hosted at the Muskegon Art Museum the weekend after Thanksgiving where she got to meet Santa. She sat on his lap, which is a miracle. Up until this year she regarded Santa with the same affection as one would reserve for the clown from Stephen Kings 'It'. (He's just a clown, I shouldn't be afraid... but he's so terrifying.) She'd watch from a distance, but when asked if she wanted to sit on his lap, she'd scream with the same intensity that she used, well, for everything else really. But this year, at that breakfast, she sat on Santa's lap and when he asked what she wanted for Christmas, she whispered,

"Super Why!"

Of course, Santa didn't hear her, because not only did she whisper it in her patented barely audible whisper, but she also said it about 10 seconds after Santa asked the question. By then he'd moved on to saying something else. But Abby's Dad was there and he was paying attention. He saw her whisper "Super Why." I imagine she must have been discouraged that Santa didn't hear her.

That's the way it is with kids with Autism. For the ones who do talk, they need a bit more time. I usually tell people to wait longer than they think they need to and then wait a few more seconds. Abby usually answers all questions posed to her, she just needs more time to process the question. Sadly, many people miss her answers.

We waited to put any gifts under the tree until the kids were in bed, telling them that Santa doesn't come until they are asleep. Abby took this very seriously and was asleep within minutes of going to bed. She apparently wasn't taking any chances, what with how close she'd come to the naughty list and all. My brother joked that she'd probably lectured her little brother on not "screwing this up!"

(After Santa had visited)

They were thrilled when they woke up on Christmas morning to find the tree surrounded by gifts. And one in particular said on the tag, "I heard you tell me what you wanted. To: Abby J, From: Santa" She started to open the package with little regard for who it was from, but then when she saw the familiar eyes of Whyatt from Super Why, she stopped dead in her tracks. Her face went white. Her eyes were huge! She dropped the gift and ran out of the living room into the dining room and looked from afar. Trying to process what she'd just experienced.

Santa was real!

He had to be! I could see the wheels turning in her head.

There was Super Why.

From Santa.

He said he had heard her!

(Christmas Morning)

We finally coaxed her back in to finish opening the gift. She finished opening it only to drop it again. She was shocked!

It took her quite a while to wrap her mind around the fact that Santa had heard her request and brought her Super Why. She was so excited! For the first hour that Whyatt was out of his package, Abby had to cover his eyes. She needed more time to process the miracle of actually receiving what she'd asked for.

(holding her brother's Alpha Pig and her Super Why)

The note that Santa left for her and Bean said,

"Dear Abby & Bean,

Thank you for the milk & cookies.

I was so hungry after flying all around the world.

I saw the Great Wall of China and the pyramids in Egypt.

You have both been very good kids this year.

Abby, I enjoyed meeting you at the breakfast with your cousin, ______.

I hope you enjoy your gifts.

Be good listeners and try your best to be big helpers.

Love, Santa."

She was once again amazed and for me, it brought back all the magic of Christmas.

It was truly a morning to remember.

A belated Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!!!

(Our first Christmas in our new home)