I Knew In a Moment It Must Be St. Nick! His Fingerprints Were Everywhere!

I never believed in Santa Clause.

Not ever.

There are a number of reasons why my mother didn't play the Santa Clause game. All were good reasons and I respect her decision to this day. Here are a couple of her reasons:

1. My mother used to wear a brooch during the holidays that said, "Jesus Is The Reason For The Season". She wanted us to celebrate Jesus' birth and the gifts we received were simply symbolic of the gifts brought that night to the manger by the three wise men. She taught us of the evils of rampant consumerism and to be genuinely thankful for each gift we were given.
2. My mom was a single mom and she worked hard for every single thing we had. Why should she be expected to write the name of some fictitious entity on the gift tag when she'd either worked extra hours, away from her kids, to buy it or stayed up late, sacrificing precious sleep, to make us the quilt we'd cherish for years to come. She wasn't about to let Santa steal her thunder.

How did this affect her children? I don't think it had any real ill effect on us, nor did it make us exceptionally well-balanced or anything. And though I respect her decision to not foster a childhood belief in Santa Clause, both my older brother and I have decided to lie to teach our children about Santa Clause. Here's the main reason I choose to lie to perpetuate the Santa Clause myth:

When I was in the first-grade, I felt superior to my classmates, because I knew there was no Santa. I had not been "lied to" my entire life and felt that my friends had been done an extreme injustice. I probably shouldn't have been able to watch so many episodes of Perry Mason as a kid.

On one specific playdate, I was bound and determined to prove once and for all that my classmate from school, Valerie, had been mislead into believing a horrible and malicious lie. It was a mass conspiracy involving her parents and that strange, creepy man in the red suit at the mall who's lap she'd sat on. *shudder* Clearly I was doing her a favor.

She asked me, "Then why are there presents under the tree from Santa?"

I answered, "Uh, because your parents put them there."

She simply couldn't believe this was possible.

"Doesn't Santa come on Christmas Eve?" I questioned her.

"Yeah..." she ventured.

"Then why are there already gifts from Santa under your tree when Christmas isn't for another week?!" I exclaimed. I knew I had her there! Who could question such a logical observation?

Apparently I had underestimated the hold that the Santa myth had on poor, mislead Valerie.

"Because Santa can't possibly visit ALL the houses all over the world in one night! He dropped them off here early." she answered confidently.

Obviously this had already been "explained" to her. I launched into an explanation of the "Magic of Santa" and how his ability to visit every single house in the world in one night was part of what made him supposedly "sooooo magical!"

I harnessed all of my six-year old detective skills and asked Valerie to fetch me a sample of her mother's handwriting. I was obviously going to have to bring out the big guns. We sat crouched in her living room, under her decorated Christmas tree. I held a piece of paper, maybe a grocery list, with her mom's handwriting on it next to a gift tag signed, "from: Santa".

Valerie couldn't deny the obvious similarities. She ran crying to her mother.

I was so satisfied with myself. I'd saved one child from a childhood of lies. What a saint I was! Sure I felt a little bad. I didn't want to make my friend cry, but as the saying goes, you have a break a few eggs to make an omelet. Right?

Soon I was face to face with Valerie's mom. She looked at me like I was a horrible child. I'd just undone all the magic she'd worked so hard to create in her daughter's mind. What kind of kid would do that?! "You might not believe in Santa in your house, but in this house, we like to pretend and have fun at Christmas! I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your beliefs to yourself." I shrugged it off and thought, "What a liar!"

But I did always feel a little bad. Poor Valerie. I'm sure the magic of Santa was gone for her, no matter what her parents did to repair the damage I'd done. It also damaged our friendship forever.

I went to a private school the following year and for the year after that. When I returned to the public school system, it was to a different elementary school. And when Valerie and finally met up again in the 7th grade, she was not as keen on rekindling our friendship as I was. I actually almost got into a fist fight with a close friend of hers our Senior year of high school, because I kissed a boy Valerie had a crush on. I didn't even know she liked him. I felt terrible about the whole thing, but it didn't matter. I was clearly a terrible person. Not only did I crush her childhood Christmas fantasies, but I also kissed the boy whom she had a crush on.

And so I'm doing my part to save my kids from being "horrible" like their mom.

I don't want my kids to be terrible crushers of children's dreams. My kids believe in Santa. I hope this atones for the damage I did to poor Valerie's psyche.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry, Valerie. Wherever you are.

(all photos found via Google images)

The Abby Scarf

For anyone who would like the Abby Scarf from Kusala Knitworks, just send an email to Jenifer at kusalaknitworks@gmail.com or send her a custom item request from her Etsy shop.

She sold out, which is awesome! But she'll make more! Even more cool. Seriously amazing, Jen. Thank you!

And don't forget to go visit Dani & Brodie!

We Have Some Great Friends!

I've been meaning to get this posted for a while now. I was really hoping to get photos of Abby wearing her new scarf from my friend, Jen, but my rechargeable batteries are refusing to recharge and apparently I can't seem to remember to buy new batteries in the hundred times I've been at the store since I initially set out to do this. *shaking head in amazement* Some days I wonder how we make it through the day.

Anyway... my friend, Jenifer Rank, is one of the most thoughtful and giving people I've ever met. She really is amazing. Her latest venture is her Etsy shop, Kusala Knitworks, where she donates a portion of her sales to different charitable organizations depending on the item you buy. She has knit up a beautiful little scarf that she has named the "Abby" and with each purchase of the Abby scarf, she'll make a donation to Autism Speaks. This is incredibly sweet and such an honor to be a part of Jen's world. I bawled my eyes out when she first told me about it. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude. I know I should have posted this a month ago, but please, please, please go visit Jen's shop and cross that last minute gift off of your list. It not only helps out a good cause, but it supports one of the most generous people I know! Love you, Jen! XOXO

Then be sure to come on back, because I have another site I hope you'll go check out.

When I read through other blogs and websites about some of the treatments that some kids on the Spectrum have had success with, I wonder, "Are we doing enough?" So far Abby has done great just with the play/classroom therapies she gets at school and I'm so thankful, but is anything ever enough? I'll be interested in seeing the successes that Brodie and her mom, Dani, will hopefully experience with some of the things they are trying. Please take a moment to go read about the battle that this "Warrior Mom" is waging in the Trenches of Autism with her sweet girl over at I'm just that way and that's just me. I hope you'll check back with Dani & Brodie from time to time, because Dani is so smart, so funny and truly a Warrior Mom. She is an inspiration to me in so many ways. And she has great taste in music. : )

Thanks for supporting us in your thoughts, your prayers and I really hope that some of you will consider opening up your wallets to buy the Abby scarf for someone on your holiday list.

Fall 2009 Progress Report

We recently received Abby's Progress Report for the Fall school season. They have 8 different categories and are graded for each age range (2-5) and are given grades as follows:

I - IEP (Individual Education Plan) Goal Area

P - Progressing

M- Mastered This Skill

Abby has Mastered everything in the 2 year old category, but is still being graded on a few things in the 3 year and 4 year category. Here are her "grades".

Social/Emotional

3 Years

• Stays with an activity for 5+ minutes = M (mastered)
• Begins to accept some correction/frustration = M (she still has a hard time with this at home)
• Actively seeks parallel play = M
• Begins to share and take turns = M

4 years

• Stays with an activity 10+ min. = M
• Follows class rules/routines = M
• Completes tasks in small groups (with 2-3 peers) = M
• Plays and interacts appropriately with 1-2 other children = P+ (though she ignores her brother a lot of the time... that's probably pretty typical)

Fine Motor

3 years

• Copies shapes (horizontal & vertical lines, circle) = M
• Builds a tower of 8+ blocks = M
• Strings 4 or more 1/2 inch beads = P+
• Undresses, attempts to dress = M

4 years

• Demonstrates hand dominance = M
• Cuts a straight line 4-5" = M (this is one of her favorite past-times)
• Copies shapes (circle & cross) = M-
• Draws a face with 3 clear features = M (her drawings are so cute)
• Puts on coast, shoes/boots = M (we'll have to start doing this at home more, she fights us at every turn and suggests, "How about mom does it?")
• Demonstrates mature pencil grasp = P+

Cognitive

3 years

• Matches colors and shapes = M
• Understands size (big/little) = M
• Counts 3+ objects = M
• Shows beginning knowledge of categories (food, toys, clothes, etc.) = M

4 years

• Names 9 colors (r,y,o,g,b,p,bl,br,w) = M
• Names 7 shapes = M- (I was surprised to see a minus on this one, because she can tell you all the basics at home, plus octagon, pentagon, & crescent)
• Recognizes name in print = M
• Counts at least 5 objects = M
• Sequences 3 pictures = M

Language

3 years

• Follows 2-Step, related directions = I (this is a big one to master for kindergarten success)
• Uses 3-5 words in sentences = M
• Names at least 25 common objects = M
• Answers simple "what" questions = M

4 years

• Answers questions about familiar stories = P+
• Tells use of common objects = M-
• Identifies actions in a picture = P+
• Understands spatial concepts (in, on, under, etc.) = I (we're working on this at home, too)

Gross Motor

(I'm going to skip this section, because thankfully she has mastered everything in both the 3 & 4 year areas)

School Readiness (all ages)

• Attends in a whole-group activity = P+
• Transitions from one activity to another smoothly = M
• Can do age-appropriate work/play independently = M-
• Entering/Exiting routines (ie. backpack, folder, coat, etc) = M
• Waits turn in a group activity = M
• Participates in all required activities = M

Sensory Registration

• Tolerates substances on hands/face (glue, cream, etc) = M- (she doesn't really like anything on her hands)
• Tolerates movement activity when feet are off the floor = M (this is an area we've really seen growth. She used to be so scared to be lifted off of the floor.)
• Tolerates being near others = M
• Moves through room safely = M
• Tolerates noise and light = P+ (she gets very nervous with loud sounds, despite the fact that she is often making more noise than anything else in a room)
• Eats variety of snacks, food & drink = M (I'd give her an M- at home)

Oral Motor

(has mastered all of these... appropriate tongue movement, lip movement, air control, etc.)

Her teachers comments: (anything in parentheses are my comments)

Abby has been doing so well this year so far! It is great to hear so much more language from her this year, and it is good to see her seeking more play with peers as well. (She asks things like, "Wanna play a game?" even if she doesn't follow through with the back and forth play so well) she has increased her counting skills as well as her knowledge of letter sounds- she is able to name all of the letters already and the sounds are coming along quickly! (she has been identifying her letters at home for a long time now) She continues to be a joy to have in class!

She continues to be a joy to have at home, too!

Almost Half-Way Through Chapter Four.

Have I mentioned how much I love my new laptop? I LOVE IT! I'm sitting on the couch next to my kids watching a second episode of Super Why (Abby's favorite!). We are all still in our pajamas and enjoying a lazy Sunday morning. I was inspired to write, because as I was zoned out reading the most recent issue of TIME magazine, Abby was trying to get my attention.

I've become very good at tuning out the world around me as I read, much to my husband's, and probably my children's, annoyance. But I'm pretty sure I've heard other mothers speak about this ability before. It's a survival tactic if any of us are expected to maintain our sanity amongst the squeals and screams of sibling rivalries, adolescent girls and/or the communication break-down that so often IS Autism. I was deeply engrossed in TIME's "Best of..." list for 2009, when I realized Abby was saying, "Mom, I want to talk with you!"

Whoa! No whine? No scream? A simple and straight-forward, "Mom, I want to talk with you." Amazing? Sure. But not what inspired this posting.

When she finally did get my attention, it was to tell me that she wanted to watch another Super Why as the first was ending. After I'd set up the initial episode to play from the DVR, she'd demanded, "Put the remote controls away!" I had joked, "Yes, Ma'am!" as I put the remote "away." When I reminded her of her sassy-pants instructions earlier, she smiled, wrinkled her nose and did a little sniff/half-laugh at herself.

She appeared so grown up to me as she enjoyed our little inside joke. I enjoyed it, too. Had the room been filled with other adults, it's likely that no one else would have understood our little joke. It wasn't really all that funny and deserved little more than the sniff/half-laugh that she bestowed it, but to me it spoke volumes.

It was the first time that she and I really connected on a more mature, inside-joke kind of level. My little girl is not a toddler anymore. For the most part she has shed the habits of a toddler and is now a small child. And I like it. I'm relieved.

I was reminded of something a friend said to me once a few years ago. Her daughter was just three and Abby was still a baby. I asked my friend, out of curiosity, if she planned to have any more kids. She answered, "No. I don't do so well with babies. I love them, but I'm better with kids." It struck a chord deep within me and I've thought of that often over the years.

I think it struck me, because at the time I was feeling guilty that while everyone around me was counseling me to "enjoy them while they are this little, because it goes by so fast," I was daydreaming about the day when I could have a conversation with Abby. I was longing for a little girl instead of a baby.

I was already keenly aware of how fast the time was flying, but I was grateful instead of sad. I knew what my friend meant. I adored my children as babies, but I'm happy to reminisce through pictures and memories, while making new ones. I might occasionally think warmly of Bean's tiny hand wrapped around my waist, tickling my skin as he nursed, but those memories are also accompanied by memories of sleep-deprived days when I was not at my parenting best. And while I might miss the feel of their tiny bodies in my arms, I do not miss those times when I felt downright "crazy". Not one bit.

I'm trying my best to enjoy these moments when my kids are small, because I know these moments are fleeting, but I'm so looking forward to inside jokes, hearing stories from my kids in addition to me telling stories to them and having real conversations with them.

It's the collective chapters that make a whole story. Like with every good book, I can hardly wait to get to the next chapter and in the end, as I finish the last chapter of our book, it will surely be bittersweet.

(All photos by Grandma Mary Johnson)

None, but Ourselves.

Abby came to me while I was making dinner tonight and said,

"I'm so tired. Time to put on pjs."

I gave them to her and said that she could put them on by herself while I finished dinner. She needed a little help with her shirt, but she pretty much dressed herself. I was struck by what a big girl she is becoming and told her how proud I am of her. Then I scooped her up like a baby and asked,

"What happened to my little, tiny, Baby Abby?"

She told me she is a big girl. I said,

"I know, but you used to be my little baby and I would hold you like this, and rock you while I sang, 'Oh, pirates, yes they rob I. Sold I to the merchant ships. Minutes after they took I, from the bottomless pit...'"

This time she sang along with me.

She remembered and sang a few lines.

Word for word.

I melted.

When she was that colicky little baby, screaming in my arms, I would sing every song that I knew word for word to her. Not only in hopes that it would soothe her, but also as a means of soothing myself. And what song worked most often on my little Nordic, blonde baby? Bob Marley's Redemption Song.

"Free yourself from mental slavery.
None but ourselves can free our own minds."

Unimpressed

I recently put up some Christmas lights in our front yard. I was quite proud of myself. This was by far the most lights outside that I'd ever done. I wrapped white lights up our swirling topiary bush, then multi colored lights on the shrub next to it and continued to alternate white and multi-colored lights along the bushes that line the front of our house. There are 5 decorated bushes in all and a peace sign I made last year hanging on the house. We are one of many houses in our new neighborhood that decorate with lights at Christmas. I was excited to show Abby our display.

She was fresh out of the bath with her pj's on, so I bundled her up in her coat and a hat and we went out to see the lights.

She looked at the neighbors houses, then ours and said simply,

"Needs more."

Then she walked back up the driveway and into the house.

Apparently my light show needs work. Clark Griswold I am not.

(image from 1989's Christmas Vacation via google images)

Giving Thanks

Today I am thankful for so many things.

But specifically here on The Gentle Giant, I am thankful for:

* Breakthroughs big and small.

* Milestones reached, even if they are a year or two after

all the baby books said they would be.

* Hearing my girl say, "I love you, Mom!" even when it is followed by, "Now can I have cheese?" when it's an hour and a half past bedtime and she is reaching for some other way to stay up a little later.

* Realizing how "typical" that type of behavior is and relishing in those typical moments.

* Meeting such wonderful people throughout the blogosphere who encourage me to carry on, both in life and in my writing.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today I hope people will take a moment to view Thanksgiving through the eyes

of the Native Americans and not the Pilgrims.

The Native people who were displaced from their homes and massacred all in the name of Manifest Destiny and "religious freedom".

While I always take time to count my blessings and give thanks on this "holiday" I also try to think honestly about the Native people of this beautiful country and remember them today in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will, too.

Abby's Map

I'm sure that some of my readers out there are curious as to what high-functioning Autistic even means. Some days, I wonder myself. Ha! So far what I've come to is that at times Abby seems totally typical. She will speak clearly, concisely and intelligently and we'll wonder, "Is she even Autistic? Am I raising her to think she has something that she doesn't?" And some of Abby's grandparents have expressed some similar concerns. I think it's valid to wonder. And even though I live with her daily and have been to the Parent/Teacher conferences enough to know that we're pretty much in agreement that she is somewhere on that broad spectrum of Autism, the line between typical and high-functioning Autism can be a bit blurry.

I had forgotten about this video. I recorded it a couple of months ago. I recently watched it again and found it interesting how it was such a good example of the tics that ARE Abby's Autism. This is a great example of what it's like when Abby's is "ASD-ing out" as I've begun to think of it. Much of the time she behaves very much like a typical 4 year old, but at times like this, she is definitely a kid who lands on the Autism Spectrum. She loves this map and often can point to many different States after being asked only once and can even tell you who in our family lives where, all without the various noises and hand tics.



She kind of pulls it together in the end, though I still have no idea what she is talking about at 1:55, something being raunchy? I don't know. But what makes this video such a great example is that it shows how she flows from typical to autistic behavior. And some days are better than others. Some days, the tics don't seem to affect her hardly at all. Other days, she seems consumed by them, finds it hard to communicate effectively and those are the days we experience more screams and whines.

Hope you are all remembering to take time to enjoy your days as we approach the busy holiday season. I am so swamped with homework and feeling so overwhelmed, but I'm trying to take time to enjoy my kids each day and to do something I enjoy. Yesterday I finished off the chalkboard I created on one of the cabinets in our kitchen. I get so much satisfaction from finishing these projects. Today, I am going to finish painting the living room walls and the bulkhead in the kitchen... and do a ton of homework. I hope. *fingers crossed*

Blogging at 1 a.m.

I should be sleeping and my new laptop (yayyy!!!) is begging to be plugged in, but... I'm going to blog anyway.

We had an interesting afternoon today. Abby went out with her dad to run errands. They arrived home and I heard Abby screaming all the way in from the car to the house.

Whine, whine, whine, scream, whine, scream, scream, whine, whine.

That's pretty much how it went. I asked him if everything was ok on their errands. He said that she she had been fine. She wanted to stay outside, but he said she could go back out after lunch. I asked him if it was ok with him if she had a picnic outside on the deck. It was a brisk, but beautiful day. He agreed. Meanwhile, Abby laid on the floor and screamed through this whole conversation.

Scream, scream, whine, scream.

We tried over and over to assure her that she was indeed going to go back outside. We told her she needed to wash her hands before lunch, like usual.

Whine, scream, scream, whine, whine, scream.

"Abby. As soon as you wash your hands..."

Whine, scream, whine, scream, scream, scream.

you can go outside!"

Scream, whine, scream.

Hands washed, screaming the entire time, Abby was "escorted" outside, where she screamed some more about wanting to be outside.

Ummm... she IS outside.

She screamed until I sat in front of her, face in my hands saying, "Abby you ARE outside. Shh, shh. This is what you wanted. You're outside. It's ok. Stop screaming. You are OUTSIDE." I asked if she needed a hug and she took me up on that offer. She felt a little limp from all that screaming she'd done.I've been noticing lately that Abby has a tendency to hear what she wants to hear and sometimes, apparently, what she doesn't want to hear. Maybe this is human nature, whatever that means, but with Ab, she really has a hard time letting go. Once it's in her mind, it's stuck there, until something jars her attention to reality. And unfortunately, that can take some time. And can be a pretty loud ordeal. Ugh. Exhausting... for everyone involved.

Now before you start praising me for being so patient and understanding and you "don't know how I do it"(which I really appreciate btw)... I was not all patient and poised. I raised my voice a couple of times. I tried muffling some screams in an attempt to keep Bean from being woken up. Abby's dad and I had to trade tasks a couple of times to let the other one take a breather to regroup. I was glad he was there. We make a pretty good team. Keeping each other in check. Giving each other an understanding and knowing glance. Sometimes making the situation worse, by giving in to our frustration and taking it out on each other. But in the end, we love each other more for it. No one knows our child better than we do. We're all in this together. Thank, God!

Melisa over at The Lil Bee does a recurring list of 5 things you'd like to accomplish in your lifetime. I love reading what other people have on their lists and today she is featuring MINE! This is such an honor as I read her blog almost daily. If you've never checked out the Bee, please do. She is funny, insightful and has great taste. She also just had a baby who is super sweet and if you are in need of a good laugh, go read about Melisa's adventures in lamaze class. Hilarious stuff, folks!

Gah! I'm just giddy! It really is such an honor to be mentioned on The Lil Bee! Thanks, Melisa!

Two Years Ago

Abby's little brother, Bean (his nickname), was born at the end of October in 2007. She was so sweet when she visited us in the hospital. She was only 2 years, 4 months old and we were still being told she was just "strong willed". She barely spoke anything except to repeat what she heard us say. What we learned later was called echolalia. When she came into the hospital room to meet her brother, she climbed into bed with me and said that Bean was "sooo cute". I was terrified to have a brand new baby and a "strong willed" two-year old. But when Abby declared that her new baby brother was "sooo cute" I knew we would figure it out and that everything was going to be ok. More than ok... we'd be great.


Abby & Bean are great friends. He's starting to annoy her more and more these days, but she is learning to stand up for herself and I've realized that in many ways, Beanie will be her greatest friend and teacher. It's with him that she is learning how to be social. How to battle for what she wants and for what she needs. He makes her laugh and I think he pushes her to try new things and have more faith in her own abilities. Bean already speaks quite well for his age and says five new things everyday. I wonder if Abby's verbal growth this Summer had as much to do with her brother's talking as much as the therapies she had at school, too.


I'm learning a lot from Bean, too. Like that parenting is hard. Period. Having a special needs child for my first child, I assumed that most of our trials and tribualtions had to do with Abby's Autism. I was wrong. Bean challenges our patience daily and I tell you... when he looks me in the eye as he rips another leaf off of the house plant I just told him to be "gentle" with... the vein in my neck bulges and I think to myself, "he is soooo lucky that he is so freakin' cute!" Because, man oh man! It's a lot easier to keep your patience when you know that the behavior can be partially blamed on Autism. With a typical kid... not so much! Time outs are a frequent occurance in our home these days. And Abby is just the innocent bystander. For once... she is my easy child.

Oh, the terribly terrific two's.

(this is what most of the photos of the two of them together look like...
constantly moving and I'm too lazy to look up the correct setting to capture them.
One of these days...)

My Review of Euro II Grow With Me Chair

Originally submitted at One Step Ahead

Built for growth spurts! Give your child our beautiful solid wood chair now, and someday he'll take it to college! Both the seat and footrest adjust to fit tots, growing kids, even adults up to 150 lbs. Built to last, and about half the price you'd pay elsewhere. Cushion included. Supports ...

Euro II Grow With Me Chair

I am buying chair #2 because we love it!

By Erin the Student of Life from Michigan on 11/12/2009

 

4out of 5

Gift: No

Pros: Easily Assembled, Easy To Clean, Durable, Stable, Comfortable

Cons: Not Enough Padding, Pad is cheap

Best Uses: Toddlers

Describe Yourself: Parent of Two or More Children

We bought this for my daughter and we love it. It matches our dining table & chairs and looks nice. It doesn't feel like we have a toddler chair at the table. We are buying a second one for our 2 year old son. My only complaint is that the cushion is poorly made. It fell apart & I've had to do some fancy fixing to make it look nice & function ok. But the chair itself is GREAT! I recommend it to friends all the time!

(legalese)

Stop The Presses!

This is what Abby's dad's Facebook status says tonight:

"NEWS: This is the first night since Abrielle got the CD,

They Might Be Giants- Here come the 1,2,3's,

exactly 2 years-4 months-5 days that we have not played it for her when she goes to sleep.

This CD is her crack!

Yes that is right 858 days of the 1,2,3's.....

the funny part is I still love that CD just as much as she does.

Ahhhh, my lil Ab!"

Normally, the mere suggestion of listening to a different cd at bedtime is enough to elicit shrill screams of protest from Abby, which have more than once led to a meltdown. And yet tonight, as we got ready for bed and had a "Pajama Party with Two Dancin' Dogs" (from a Charlie & Lola book), she was willing to dance to something besides They Might Be Giants.
I was not sure I'd ever see the day.

Spinning

Abby spinning round and round on the swing.

I so remember doing this as a young girl.

She even let her brother take a turn.

Have a Happy & Safe Halloween!

Here's a few photos of our pumpkins and our carving/painting party. It was the first time that Bean had ever painted.

He was really concentrating. So cute!

I didn't know Abby knew how to draw/paint smiley faces until *BAM*

there was a smiley face on her pumpkin. What a fun surprise!

Her teachers say she loves to draw at school and when they have free-time, that's usually what she chooses to do. She comes from a long line of artists, so I shouldn't be surprised.

I've Been Thinking...

I do a lot of thinking. Maybe too much sometimes. It keeps me awake at night. But what I've been thinking about lately has got me reevaluating why I keep this blog. It all started with that poor little "balloon boy" and the supposed hoax orchestrated by his father. Then I started thinking about that show on TLC, Toddlers & Tiara's and that got me thinking about the whole OctoMom thing. Maybe not the most seamless stream of thought, but I'm not a professional.

What do I have in common with these people? Not much, really. Other than that we all have children and we all put our kids on display. I like to think that I'm not in the same category as these people. I'm not fake-crying on the news about my not-missing-so-much-as-hiding poor, exploited kid. I'm not making Abby get a spray tan and her teeth whitened so she can earn that big sparkly crown. I'm not giving birth to 8 kids (THANK GOD) and then talking about it all over tv with enormous, collagen injected lips. But I am writing a blog about and posting pictures of my daughter on the Web. Is it any better?

Sure I tell myself that it's my way of raising awareness about the Autism epidemic. I make efforts to keep our specific location a secret, but I know that it's not hard to figure out our general vicinity. I use caution when I choose the photos I post, not wanting to show anything too specific to our home or town. Am I exploiting my daughter? Writing this blog has been so therapeutic for me. Not only does it allow me to share our story, but I work through some of my least proud parenting moments and then am able to reflect and find the good in each experience we have.

And the most wonderful part of writing this blog is all the great feedback I get from all of you! I've made a wonderful blogger friend who I seem to have a lot in common with. And I'm increasingly blessed by the comments I get from parents of "typical" kids, because I'm reminded that parenting is the most challenging blessing we've ever been bestowed whether our kids are "special needs" or not. And all of these things are good and noble, but when I'm really honest with myself... I write this blog for me. I hope that it helps other people, but at it's root, it's all about me. So why isn't it filled with photos of myself? Am I exploiting my child for my own personal gain no matter how noble my intentions? I don't know.


So today... I'm posting a photo of myself. This is me and while I write about my daughter, Abby the Gentle Giant, this blog is all about me, me, me and my quest to be the best mom I can be. Should I be writing a blog about it?

Maybe I should only post photos like this zoomy accident of both Abby and I.

1 in 91

National Children's Health Survey Report Finds

Autism Prevalence Now 1 in 91
Monday, October 5, 2009
By: Carin Yavorcik

Autism Society Calls for Answers to Crisis Now

A national report released today in the journal Pediatrics reveals that 1 percent of U.S. children ages 3-17 have an autism spectrum disorder, an estimated prevalence of one in every 91 children. This is a dramatic increase from the one in 150 prevalence rates currently reported.

“This national study charts a dramatic rise in the prevalence of autism in the United States and we applaud this administration’s recognition that autism is an urgent public health priority,” said Autism Society President and CEO Lee Grossman. “But families today are asking: how high must these prevalence rates rise before the nation responds? Significant resources must be directed toward screening and diagnosis, affordable interventions that treat the whole person and comprehensive education plans to foster lifelong skill development so that people with autism will have the ability to work and live independently.”

The report, entitled “Prevalence of Parent-Reported Diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder Among Children in the US,” published in today’s issue of Pediatrics, was conducted by the Department of Health and Human Services National Survey of Children’s Health, using data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The report was conducted via a telephone survey of over 78,000 parents, and determined a point prevalence of 110 per 10,000 respondents, roughly 1 percent of the population of children in the United States.

On a constituent call to discuss the report, the CDC reported that its initial analysis of the Autism and Developmental Delay Monitoring project data, due out later this fall, confirm the 1 percent figure. This report will also contain more data on age of diagnosis, groups affected, and access to interventions.

The increasing numbers have long-term economic costs to the country, as autism is a chronic medical condition affecting people across the lifespan. “Lifespan services, particularly for adults, are typically inadequate and inappropriate,” Grossman stated. “This new data should be a call to action to the government to improve and increase services and supports first.”

The Autism Society has been working with Congress on several key bills, which have stalled. “The information in this new report highlights the pressing need for additional services, support and treatments for families affected by autism spectrum disorders,” said Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL). “My bill, the Autism Treatment Acceleration Act, will help children and adults with autism gain better access to coordinated services, improve training for professionals treating these disorders, and will relieve the financial burden on the millions of families struggling with this disability.”

This bill, if funded, would provide funding for applied research into effective interventions, the first ever demonstration grants on adult services, create an adult prevalence study, and fund family support and information networks.

“Autism affects millions of American families, and the cost of diagnosis, early intervention, and treatment imposes a heavy burden on most of them,” said Congressman Mike Doyle (D-PA), co-chair of the Congressional Autism Caucus. “This legislation, the Autism Treatment Acceleration Act of 2009, would improve the dissemination of information between autism researchers and service providers, improve training for professionals treating autism spectrum disorders, and mandate that health insurers cover the diagnosis and treatment of autism spectrum disorders. Enactment of this legislation would do a lot to help millions of American families.”

“The increase in the reported prevalence of autism across the nation testifies to the urgency of executing a comprehensive strategy in response to this public health emergency,” said Congressman Chris Smith (R-NJ), co-chair of the Congressional Autism Caucus. “For its part, Congress must ensure robust funding to support aggressive programs of research, education, and services. Furthermore, Congress needs to enact additional legislation, such as the Autism Treatment Acceleration Act of 2009, that will establish the infrastructure and mechanisms for delivering appropriate services across the lifespan to individuals with autism and their families. We must look to maximize the reach and impact of our investments and activities by closely coordinating government efforts with those of national advocacy organizations, such as the Autism Society.”

(click the title to take you directly to the article)

The Symphony- Take One

We are music fans in this house. All types of music.

From Tchaikovsky to Tori Amos.
From Miles Davis to Metallica.
From Bocelli to Radiohead and so on.

We love it all.

Abby goes to sleep each night listening to They Might Be Giants' Here Come the 1-2-3's. God forbid something ever happen to that cd. The earth might implode. But that obsession is for another blog posting.

Once while playing with Play-doh and listening to the Opera music station that is part of our cable package, Abby suddenly stopped during a particularly melancholy part of the song to listen. Her breath caught and her eyes welled up with tears as the music crescendoed (is that a word?). She was overcome with the emotion of the song. (Does she speak Italian?) She took a deep breath and then proceded with her Play-doh sculpture. When I remembered to tell her Dad about it a couple of days later, he said she'd done almost the exact thing one day while playing with blocks and listening to Classical music. This shouldn't surprise me. Classical music makes me cry, too. It's just sooo beautiful! It makes my heart feels like it's going to explode.




We were recently gifted (thank you, D & M) season tickets to our local symphony and when Ab's dad was going to be out of town for the first concert of the season, we thought we'd try to take Abby to see the show, Beethoven's Ninth. Now we knew this was a risky venture. I prepared myself to leave early and prepared Abby by telling her,

"The music is going to be loud, but we have your ear plugs and you can hold your hands over your ears if you want to."

"It's going to be dark, but it's just like the movies and you will have your blankie snuggle and Mama will be sitting right beside you. You can sit on my lap if you'd like."

We bought her a new dress and new tights, which she adorably calls "pants socks". We got all dressed up and loaded into the car. As we were walking toward the Frauenthal Theater, I pointed out the lights on the building and Abby put a little more spring into her step. As we got into line, all the old ladies "ooohed" and "awwwwed" at my cute little girl. Men gave us skeptical looks, but smiled anyway and Abby exclaimed, "This is so exciting!" My heart melted.

We made our way to our seats and sat down. I tried preparing her by whispering everything that was about to happen into her ear. The lights dimmed and the concert master, Jenny Walvoord, entered the stage. Abby sat up straight and clapped enthusiastically with the rest of the audience. "The conductor will come out next.", I whispered. And when Scott Speck made his entrance, she clapped again. She looked so grown up and excited!

The lights went dark. I felt Abby get nervous beside me. I gave her her blankie and a snack and kept my hand on her knee to let her know I was there. Then the music started. And Abby panicked. It was so loud and the sound resonated deep in our bodies. It was more than she could handle. She was in the early stage of a full-blown meltdown. We hurried quickly out of the theatre and into the hallway. I tried to convince her to listen to the music in the hallway and then try again at the intermission, but she was having none of it.

"The symphony is scary!" she told me.

Oh my. Well I hope she doesn't feel that way when we try again next year or the year after. I thought she'd make it through at least a few songs, but oh well. I'd prepared myself for it. On the way home she said, "Thank you for driving me in the car to the sympony, Mama." I think she just enjoyed getting all dressed up and going to the symphony, even if we didn't stay for the show. It was worth it for me. And apparently it was for her, too. And besides... she loves her new "pants socks".

School and Some Small Miracles

Sorry it's been so long since my last post. I really need to just schedule time to do this. Abby started school a week and a half ago. She is going in the afternoons this year and that has been a bit of an adjustment for us. She gets antsy waiting for the bus and I feel like it's near impossible to make plans for the rest of our day, because smack dab in the middle of it all, I have to be home to get her on the bus and then 3 hours later, be home to meet her off of the bus. I've already had to make 2 emergency calls. One to my father-in-law, "Can you hurry to our house (20 min away) to get Ab off the bus?" and one to the bus depot, "Can you switch up your route today and drop Abby off ten minutes later?" I was stuck in road construction which is EVERYWHERE right now. Ugh! I'm sure they just LOVE me. The frazzled mom, still in her pjs at 1 pm, helping her kid onto the bus. Or I'm running behind (as usual) and making everyone else work around it. Will I ever get it together?! I keep trying.


Well enough about me. Abby is doing great in school. She comes home happy each day. I really like her teachers and thankfully, so does Abby. She talks about them at home quite often. She likes to say that she is going to go on a picnic with them and then list what foods she'll take. I mentioned in my last quick post that she's been babbling talking a lot lately. Most of the time it's AMAZING, but often it's the same story over and over and over again. Like the picnic. There are only so many times in a 2 hour span that I'd like to have that conversation, but if Ab's stuck in that storyline, we talk about it for two hours. At least.


We did have a communication exchange the other night that blew my mind! We were in their bedroom and I was about to change Bean's poopy diaper, when Abby said, "NO! It stinks! Better change it in the kitchen." Now for someone with typical kids, this isn't a big deal. It's a logical request (except that we don't change diapers in the kitchen normally). But for those of us who have been dying for some sort of communication from our children for a long time now, this is AMAZING!!!

She 1) expressed her opposition to the situation with words and without screaming, then she 2) expressed why she was opposed and then she 3) suggested a solution to the problem. I was thrilled! Now that is communication, Baby! And of course, Bean and I went into another room to change his diaper. YES! There appears to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

This last picture is of Abby's little brother, Bean, on Ab's first day of school. He was so upset. There was nothing I could do to make him happy that day. This photo was taken after I'd tried EVERYTHING and finally resorted to giving him his pacifier, blankie and put on a movie for him. He was so mad at me, I'm guessing he missed his sister, that he refused to come out of the doorway. He could see a sliver of the tv and this was as close as he would come to the living room... and me.

Very Quickly

Super short post for the time being. I'm hoping to find time to sit down and tell you more this evening or tomorrow.

Abby is chattering NON-STOP today! NON-STOP! Is she even taking time to breathe? It's amazing and I'm so thankful for her words, but seriously... wow! Breathe, Abby, breathe!

A Little Light Reading

Abby often checks the mail with me. Well one day last month sometime, she checked it on a day when I got my weekly TIME magazine. She promptly grabbed the mag, ran for a lawn chair in the back yard and "read" the entire magazine. She was so engrossed that I had to grab the camera and document the moment.

(reading about the mortgage crisis)

She often chooses to listen to the news over music on the radio. And if she is trying to butter me up, she'll ask, "Wanna watch the news, Mama?" She can identify & name Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, whom she calls "Hillry Chicken." I wonder if our Secretary of State would find that as cute as I do. And for the record, I always correct her pronunciation.